Charles Darwin points out in his book “Origin of the Species” that the natural selection of species is a process that takes considerable time. In some cases change may take place in a few short generations, but in some of the more significant cases it may take quite a few years for subtitle changes to take place.  When Darwin was traveling around the South Pacific on HMS Beagle he was able to collect many different samples of new animals that had never been seen before. Some of these animals were similar to species that had been seen in Europe, but they had adaptations that allowed them to exist in the unique conditions of the Galapagos Islands. Darwin was able to compare these traits to similar species from around the world. In doing the comparison he was also able to consider the environments that the animals lived in and to identify the conditions that necessitated the changes.        

     I have always been a dog person. I think I was drawn to the canine species because of both their innate trait of loyalty, and my perception of dogs enjoying the interaction between them and their owners. Today I am the proud owner of the largest beagle in the nation, if not the world. Bruiser is a pure bred beagle who came from a litter of normal sized dogs. All of his siblings are in normal average weight range of 20 to 25 pounds, but Bruiser clocks in at an impressive 68 pounds. He could not be considered a fat dog by any stretch of the imagination, and he could not be the result of cross breeding because of the use of a sturdy kennel lock. Bruiser is just the bruiser of the litter in a big way.     

In addition to his robust size, Bruiser has a king size personality to go along with his impressive bulk. Bruiser is in every way a people pup. He can not be in a room full of people without making the rounds, and when he passes through the entire guest list he starts back at the top of the list for a second round of socializing. I think his fondness for verbal interaction is a direct result of his love of people.

From a very early age our dog enjoyed responding to verbal cues, as well as giving a few of his own. Initially we thought his understanding of verbal commands was taught to him by his surrogate mother, an 85 pound chocolate lab; golden retriever mix by the name of Chelsea, but Bruisers grasp of our commands increased significantly after her untimely passing. Once Bruiser was on his own we found he was much more attuned to our conversations. We immediately recognized an increase in his response to our direction, but at the same time it seemed that Bruiser was apparently ease dropping in our conversations. When we would be talking about a subject that was near and dear to his heart such as food we find Bruiser in close proximity. He would not only listen, but he would also react depending on the nature of the conversation. If the menu was moving in the direction of a salad or California rolls Bruiser would retreat to his hiding place behind the couch. If on the other hand we were planning on pizza or steak on the grill, he would become much more animated. These changes would occur long before the grill was lit or the pizza delivery number was called. His response was purely a reaction to a spoken word. Bruiser’s responses to human cues are not limited to the spoken word, within a relatively short period of time our dog has become an accomplished singer.

His singing skills were recognized completely by accident, one day we were sitting in the den with the TV on when all of the sudden he started to howl. We looked around the room, the house, and the yard but noticed nothing out of place. Suddenly we recognized that he was howling along with the tune to “Happy Birthday” on a TV show. After a few days of practice our dog was an accomplished singer who would fit in at any child’s birthday party. Within a few months we helped Bruiser expand his repertoire to include “Who let the Dogs Out”, “Put Another Log on the Fire”, and his rendition of “Oh Christmas Tree”. My families influence on Bruisers ability to obey voice commands and sing were coincidental at best. In reality I think he learned how to follow directions because it pleased him to do so.

I am by no means an expert on dog psychology, but in my observations of our dog I have found that he does the things that make him happy. It is purely coincidental that those things also make us happy, or at least amuse us, but based on his reaction I think he does what he enjoys doing. When he sings he gets attention, he likes attention, and so he sings. When you really think about it the life of a well kept dog is not all that bad. They have a warm bed, a roof over their head and all of the treats they want. To me, that sounds like something to sing about.   

After years of his constant comments I had learned to let most of them in one ear and out the other without much of a thought.  Later the “bad news” comment made me think about many situations in the past where avoidance was my method to problem solving, and the mechanism for my demise. Quite often I would find myself in a difficult situation where I felt like I needed to say something. I would then consider how the recipient of my comment might feel when confronted, and in the interest of saving someone, or myself hard feelings I would hold my tongue.  At the time this seemed like the best way to handle awkward situations, but in reality I was often only making things worse. More than a couple of times I would hear about a person having problems over a situation that I could have prevented. When that person made a comment, took some improper action, or just plain messed up in front of me I gave them a pass instead of saying something. My comment might have caused an uncomfortable moment for this person, but in the long run I could have given this person the information they needed to keep from falling on their sword.

In reality bad news never gets better with age. I have learned to confront problems, even the small ones quickly and decisively. If the person that I talk to has only made a mistake and they are aware of it, they usually don’t get all that upset by my comment. Some of the people that I do confront take it badly at first, but when they have time to think about it they will often thank me for the help; and improve themselves with their new found knowledge. Others still just don’t get it and probably never will; until it’s too late. I have found this kind of communication can be a vital way of improving a relationship, instead of damaging it. Most people would rather know if there is a problem so they can fix it.       

Have you ever been in a situation where you are teaching a class, or maybe just trying to explain something to a person; but when you look at that person it is obvious from their blank stare that they are not involved in the process of learning along with you? I’m quite sure that feeling of detachment was exactly what my instructor was experiencing on that late winter day in two thousand three when he when he looked at me. I was sitting in a class discussing cultural attributes of Latin American people at the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute, or at least I was supposed to be discussing, but instead I was reliving an event that had happened seven years earlier. The discussion of eye contact in communication transported me from a classroom in Florida to a shipboard office floating somewhere in the Mediterranean.

It was one of those days that twenty three years of experience had conditioned me to dread. It seemed to me like every part of my world was working perfectly and that I could do no wrong. The meeting that I really didn’t want to attend was cancelled, all of my e-mails from the previous night had been answered favorable replies, and I even received mail from home with the long awaited photographs I had been expecting. When a day goes like that and nothing is going wrong it can mean only one thing; doom is impending. After a good long run and a light lunch I had expected to finish some light paperwork that had been neglected earlier in my week, but as I entered my office the long face of my airframes shop Chief told me that things were about to change. Not being a person to beat around the bush he came right out with the bad news. One of the most important and most complex items of test equipment that we owned was broken and it was broken in a big way. This machine was the life blood of his work centers and with it out of operation he was almost completely out of business. The most disturbing part of his report was his comment that the reason for the failure of the machine was negligent operation on the part of the people in the shop. It seemed that some small part of my luck was still with us because a ship that was very close to us had the part we needed and the test equipment was fixed in a matter of hours. Fixing the machine is not an important part of the story; getting to the facts regarding why it was broke is my real reason for relating this event.

While we waited for the parts we needed to be flown over to us my Chief started an informal investigation into the incident. He looked into the operation of the equipment, checked the training records of the operators, and reviewed all of the periodic maintenance logs for the previous year. After about three hours he came back up to my office with one of his mid-grade technicians in tow. The chief quickly explained what he had checked and presented his findings, but he then went on to say that the technician had some information about the event that might be important. The technician was a younger man than me, in his early twenties. He was a service member from a Latin American country who was serving in the US Navy while he worked on his citizenship.  I had had a few opportunities to speak with him in the past and I understood that while he did have a considerable accent his command of the English language was passable. When his Chief told him to explain what he knew about the incident to me the young man started to talk. I must admit that I am really not sure what he said, because I was much more interested in his non-verbal communication. Almost as soon as he said the first word his eyes went right to the floor. It was as though he was in a room full of pit vipers and he was more concerned about being bitten than telling me what he had to say. As the short conversation progressed I found myself adjusting my position to try to get into his field of vision, but to no avail. He finished his comments but did not look up. I think my statement “you’re dismissed” startled his Chief more than it concerned the technician.  He quickly turned on his heels leaving me and the Chief in the office alone. After the door closed the Chief asked me what I thought. His obvious surprise told me that my answer was not what he expected. I told him that I did not believe the technician and in effect I told the Chief that I thought the technician broke the machine and was also guilty of everything up to and including the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby.

My reference to the Lindbergh baby and my incredulity were both an indication of the origin of my remarks; for we are all products of our upbringing; some more than others. I have my Father to thank for this morsel of my makeup, because it was my Father that ingrained in me the basics of communication. I’m sure he picked up in his strict German childhood the irrevocable truth that in communication eye contact is everything. When I was little I am sure that there was some incident where I was less than forthcoming with the truth. This must have been an invitation for Dad to give me the age old “the eyes are the window to a man’s soul” lecture. It was obviously one of his better lectures because it stuck although I am not sure it was an original. He told me that if you want a person to believe you it is imperative that you look them in the eye. More important if a person will not look you in the eye they are not to be trusted or believed.  

Needless to say on that day on the water trust and belief was the last thing that I had in mind for this young man. Fortune had it that his Chief was convincing enough to make me understand that no additional action was needed in this situation. By the end of the day the machine was fixed and enough other annoying things happened to make the entire incident just a distant memory. It’s amazing how quickly the image of that young man popped back into my mind when we started to discuss eye contact in Latin American communication. The short version of the lecture is the fact that eye contact is considered a challenge to authority especially for a younger person who is talking to an older person with higher station. In my office on the sea I looked at my technician through the cultural filter that my father had given me. I considered him to be dishonest and untrustworthy. In reality he was giving me the highest level of respect that he could, and for his trouble he was dismissed without a thank you or an acknowledgement of his efforts to help the situation.

I have never again seen this young man, and in truth I doubt that I would recognize him if I did. If I were to run into him in the future I would like to think that I would have the moral fiber to make things right with him. More and more every day we interact with people who gain their values and mannerisms from influences that are far different from our own. It is impossible to know what the motivation is behind every verbal remark and non-verbal action, but if we are going to get along in an increasingly international world we might want to get a better understanding of the sources of our own values.           

“THERE was once a Bald Man who sat down after work on a hot summer’s day. A Fly came up and kept buzzing about his bald pate, and stinging him from time to time. The Man aimed a blow at his little enemy, but—whack—his palm came on his head instead; again the Fly tormented him, but this time the Man was wiser and said “YOU WILL ONLY INJURE YOURSELF IF YOU TAKE NOTICE OF DESPICABLE ENEMIES.”

            This story teaches us that we should restrain our actions when we are confronted by annoying but otherwise harmless enemies, because in the long run the ultimate harm may be to us. This lesson in the value of restraint can have countless applications that run the range from an argument with individual neighbor with annoying habits to geopolitical conflicts involving third world nations. In either case I do not feel that Aesop is advocating appeasement or impotent cowardice, I think this fable suggests the need to use proportional action based on the threat of the enemy.  In the fable it might not have been necessary for the old man to attempt to squash the fly, instead he might have simply shielded his head with a hat or attempted to drive the fly away toward bait in another location.

            In our lives as in our world we may be tempted to lose our patience with an opponent and act out of frustration to eliminate our discomfort through excessive means. Some may feel that our countries current military adventures abroad are an example of this problem and it is possible that they may be correct. If we were in a position of leadership what kind of actions could we have taken to prevent or at least soften our current position? Aesop might have suggested that we use restrictive political means to isolate the Taliban and Al Qaeda instead of entering into military conflict. It is always difficult to project the best solution to a complex problem and to be assured of success. If we are willing to heed the advice of Aesop and practice restraint when possible we may find ourselves in a more harmonious world situation and save ourselves some lumps in the bargain.    

The fact that I am creating my first entry into the world of Blogging at zero dark thirty Sunday morning should be an indication to you all that I am not ready to jump into world wide exposure. I’m going to force myself into it, and we will see how it turns out, but all things being equal I’d rather be fishing.